The hardest part about dreaming about someone you are in love with, is waking up and deciding, deciding if you should smile because you are friends, or cry because that's all you'll ever be. The worst is being fully and completley aware, that the fault lies fully and completley with myself. I could try harder, I could be more direct, I could stop worrying about what she might say and look her in the eyes and say "so what's going on here, and can there be something more here...:
I could say any of these things... but I never will... I can't... how sad is that? I mean I'm fully capable of walking up to a complete stranger, and asking a favor, but when it comes to telling a girl I'm interested I'm a complete buffoon...
Also, against everything I thought I knew about myself, I realized that my biggest aspiration in life currently is to be a father... of a little boy, and to, for at least one person, be the funniest silliest person in the entire world. I can't wait to push a shopping cart through the grocery store and make silly faces at the little boy looking back at me. To see some huge smile come across his face and him to lift his chubby little hands to cover his mouth as he lets out some enormous giggle.... My imaginary son is a pretty legit little dude.....
Today really has been quite the day... quite the day...
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