i feel like i have forgotten today

So I came to do my highpoint lowpoint update, that I've told myself i would try to do everyday... I can't remember much of what happened today, except that I love Dr. Allen, I learned that people will never stop having babies, I made eye contact with wheatly which scared me poopless, being kicked off SGA may have been the best thing to ever happen to me, and today was the worst day for dumpster diving I have ever experienced.

with all of that, you think I could remember what to put for Highpoint lowpoint etc.... but I can't... I really really can't...

except lowpoint:
Crying in the Katie's apartment over something that normally would not have bothered me... I don't know why it did bother me actually...

sweet nothings

Today was a good day... on a scale from one to ten.... 6... which in a world of 3's that's amazing.

Highpoint:
Seeing Kylee at the M and setting up a time to hang out with her... I really love that girl. I also loved hanging out with Jess, because we can do absolutley nothing, and it just makes me really happy!

Accomplishment of the day:
designing an outfit to match with something I saw on the satiriorilist, and having it work really well.
I got compliments.... on my vest over hoodie combo

lowpoint of the day:
crazy girl and the ceramics room... don't degrade me any more!

irritation of the day:
the cha cha guide website takes so long to load!!

Hey... I'm making a routine of it

Highpoint:
Drug induced dreams!! well... natural herb induced dreams... and not the herbs you're thinking either!! It's been years since I was anywhere near those kind of herbs. I took some stuff to help rid me of my insomnia, and it gives the best dreams ever!! sadly I can't use it every night because it made me sleep for 12 hours
Accomplishment of the Day:
Do I really have to say anything? I slept for 12 hours!
Lowpoint of the day:
not hanging out with a single person all day long... not only did I have people cancel on me, I forgot I had plans, so I had to cancel on someone, but then it started raining so my plans got cancelled! FML!!
Irritation of the day:
not being able to focus and spending the entire day doing homework in my apt.

Lent is coming.. phat tuesday anyone?

So today i got really excited for lent... i haven't decided what I'm going to give up, but I want to make it something hard, that will also help me out a bit... like giving up something unhealthy...

Highpoint of the day:
Watching the girls Bball team beat UAA... not actually the highlight... the highlight was when Christa brought me gatorade from the team's water bucket thing... that was legit

accomplishment of the day:
Leaving my phone at home! I went a full 12 hours without it! I was completely with those that I was physically with... which is so rare

Lowpoint of the day:
not knowing who i really am...

Irritation of the day:
because i left my phone at home, I missed out on a lot of fun things to do with my night....

So this is for yesterday

Yesterday seemed to take forever!! I didn't do much, and people cancelled on me a lot! three coffee dates, a movie and an invite to a bonfire all cancelled on me... so I ended up watching the village with crazy girl. I hate that.

Highpoint of the Day:
Discovering that other people see irritating things in the same people that I see irritating things in.

Accomplishment of the day:
painting the self that i needed to paint for so long

Lowpoint of the day:
having sarah cancel our coffee date..

irritation of the day:
having crazy girl take little shots at me, and having to resist making them back, so that I don't seem mean and bitter...

The power of positive thinking...

I am not a focused person...
I get depressed really easily...
But today... I decided to ignore those things. I decided to be happy... and though it was hard at times, I think I really was happy. I decided to get stuff done, and while I didn't get everything I wanted done, I do think I made some improvements.

Highpoint of the Day:
Coffee and coloring, or laughing at awkward girls playing basketball

Accomplishment of the day:
Doing things that I needed to do for Wyldlife

Lowpoint of the day:
Not being able to ask questions that I really want answers to.

Irritation of the day:
play practice: first I spaced practice, so i showed up 15 minutes late, with a bloody toe (that I'm not sure how I got, only to find out that my scene no longer takes place inside Algenon's swanky cafe, but outside Algenon's cafe... which set things up strangely... as most of my lines are me announcing people as the come into the cafe or what not... so now I was announcing people and bringing them outside from inside the cafe... which I had to point out to the director... who then changed it to them walking up along the street... which means I'm announcing people's entrances when they are already there, and it is just me noticing them, and saying oh look there is that person... pay attention to them... DUMBEST PLAY EVER!!! sorry.. no... just direction that is more focused on being innovative rather than practical.

Nana... I'm pretty sure you are correcting my grammar in your head aren't you.

I don't know what to say...

My newt is gone... I looked in his cage just now, and he is not there... Jason seemed angry.

Are you there God...

"It's not a matter of whether or not someone's watching over you. It's just a question of their intentions." -Randy K. Milholland

I've been in a real struggle with God lately, and last night the dorm chapel really spoke to me. I'm not sure if I could ever tell those girls what an impact they had on me, but they really did.
But here is the story:
This summer I lived in a van basically with a handful of other people. I learned different things from different people, and was inspired to do different things by each of these people. One of the things I started doing was collecting quotes that meant something to me... which is funny, because I constantly teased the person that this was inspired by about her quote obsession...

Anyways, last night the girls that spoke kept repeating the same phrase; "If your plans aren't God's plans, be willing to change". This really hit me... So I went to write this down in my collection, and I put it right under another quote.... One I don't remember writing down, and don't know why I wrote it... but It too hit me really hard. The quote was "Remember tonight.. for it is the beginning of always"...... I think that was God a little bit... and I'm sorry God, but all I have to say to that..... craaap....

I don't want to deal with your plans right now God. I really don't. I'm not done being angry at you! I don't care what you want from me... I prayed for her every single day for four damn years and you just took that away from me... everyone says that you can't know where her heart was with you when she died, and she might have accepted you and realized that she needed you... I'm sorry... she died of a drug overdose... and I know what she believed... I think I can make some pretty safe assumptions...

I'm not In love with you God... I'm not in love period... Love is very much displaced from me right now. If I ever get there.. well.. you will be the first to know I suppose.

sidenote... I'm a dork..

I'm really excited to fall asleep on my couch watching dark angel... What a ridiculous show...

This is my life.... when do I start living it?

The hardest part about dreaming about someone you are in love with, is waking up and deciding, deciding if you should smile because you are friends, or cry because that's all you'll ever be. The worst is being fully and completley aware, that the fault lies fully and completley with myself. I could try harder, I could be more direct, I could stop worrying about what she might say and look her in the eyes and say "so what's going on here, and can there be something more here...:

I could say any of these things... but I never will... I can't... how sad is that? I mean I'm fully capable of walking up to a complete stranger, and asking a favor, but when it comes to telling a girl I'm interested I'm a complete buffoon...


Also, against everything I thought I knew about myself, I realized that my biggest aspiration in life currently is to be a father... of a little boy, and to, for at least one person, be the funniest silliest person in the entire world. I can't wait to push a shopping cart through the grocery store and make silly faces at the little boy looking back at me. To see some huge smile come across his face and him to lift his chubby little hands to cover his mouth as he lets out some enormous giggle.... My imaginary son is a pretty legit little dude.....

Today really has been quite the day... quite the day...

Highlight of my day...

The wireless in the science lecture hall actually works....

So true... also add people holding open doors, or people buying me coffee with their perk credit

My day was sort of ruined...

So the day started out great... waking up at 11, skipping church, trying a new conditioner... It really just had all the workings of a fabulous day. I made a pot of coffee, and danced around my apartment listening to my ipod. Then I cut out some fake mustaches and got decked out looking like the Fonz, because it was the younglife volleyball-a-palooza, which was awesome. Basically all the younglife/wyldlife leaders in the treasure valley got together and ate nachos and played volleyball. The only catch was that each club had to come in a different theme. There were rockers, hippies, harry potter, lumberjacks, buisness professionals and some weird dinosaurs things.... Our group came under the theme of Mustaches and headbands in the 80's... It was pretty awesome... So after Volleyball I went dress shopping with my valentines banquet date. This is where my day took a turn for the worst. I discovered that forever 21 has a guys section!! You'd think this was a highlight, but because of struggling financial times, and the fact that I go through money worse then a middle aged trophy wife, my bank account is currently at $5... And what must forever 21 do to me? they must create the most perfect vest in the history of man-kind.... and then price it just withing reach... $9.... thats right... if I hadn't bought crazy girl a cup of coffee last week, I could be sporting a super sexy purple vest right now... Oh crazy girl... when will my time with you stop punishing me?

on another note... I lost my glasses... I'm pretty sure they are in crazy girl's car.... DUMB!!

My new favorite website...

http://thisisindexed.com

My life... be like...

This picture pretty much sums up my life... Except add some crazy girl off to the side, that actually got hit by one of the arrows... Then that would be my life... Hey!! Girl on the Couch!!! I'd like you to come sit closer to me and stuff!!

Other recent happenings include.... I think I just got dumped. This is actually pretty funny, because I WASN'T DATING ANYONE!!! In fact, I had no intention of ever dating this person, nor could I ever date this person... So how did I get dumped you may be asking yourself. Well, it played out like this, a girl and I had a DTR where she said she wanted a relationship and i said fine as long as that relationship was limited to a friendship, which was agreed upon. So keeping with my end of the bargain, I treated her just like I would any of my other friends. I was sarcastic, I teased a lot, I called with random ideas of things to do. Then today she texts me and asks if I am trying to push her away... I'm sorry, but WTF? She accused me of being insincere and emotionally unavailable. She also said I didn't support her in her times of need. I'm sorry, but I put off homework for two entire days when her grandpa went to the hospital, I spent two entire days with this girl, while she was in a strange emotional state... but you know I didn't put enough into the friendship... Meanwhile, I have my own problems to deal with, but they have to be put on the back burner, while I deal with this dumb girl.... Yes... Dumb girl. Oh and in case the stupid Bitch ever reads this... You said, that I wasn't communicating effectivly and that Comm classes have taught you that.... I'M A COMM MAJOR TOO!! I KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I'M DOING, AND YOU ARE AN IRRATIONAL HUMAN BEING!......

sucks to be Switzerland....

“The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crises maintain their neutrality” -Dante Alighieri

In other new...

I still don't have a girlfriend... and girls that I have no interest in take up too much of my time...
That sucks...

John Locke... not the one from lost...

" the candle that is set up in us shines bright enough for all our purposes. the discoveries we can make with this ought to satisfy us." -John Locke

I love this quote!

I wish I'd known this quote when I took Theology. Why do we try to understand God, when God imparted us with a certain amount of understanding... an understanding that could not possibly attain an understanding of God. yet does that understanding ever satisfy us?