time to start again.

It's about time I started writing on here again. I was for a while last year doing this every single evening... how liberating it was.

So this past weekend I went on a date with a group of freshman. I thought it would be fun but just thought it would be a simple oh here we are that was fun, lets go home sort of thing... 13 hours later, I realized, as we departed, that this was a night that may have changed my life.

I've always thought that there was a very specific type of girl that I needed in my life... outgoing, loud, crazy... however my date for this day was almost none of these things.

What she was, blew me away. She was intentional, and kind, driven and focused, and genuinely relational. I now feel like I've blown a lot of chances with wonderful people... I won't do that again.

I've been praying a lot lately, and I feel as though what God wants in my life is absolutely terrifying. I've pushed God out for so long, that now that he's back I'm slowly realizing why I pushed him out in the begining. God asks things of me... sets standards for me... and that terrifies me. No one puts standards on me... literally... no one tells me that they expect something from me... well except joelle.

I don't know what to do with God in these types of situations.